Not like a movie
by DreamerJMLH
Summary: This was something, they couldn't do anything about, this was no movie, this was real. This was death ... his death ... Warning inside ... Not a songfic


Hi guys :)

well, I don´t know if I want to continue this or leave it as a oneshot, who knows. Reviews would be lovely and thank you guys for reading my stories and please read the warning so that this story doesn´t offend people in any way. I hope you like it and let me know if you want me to continue

xoxo

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Warning: Contains talk and thoughts about death

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His face was as dark as she had never seen it before, his skin as pale as if the sun never had the chance to touch it, his features falling together, nothing there but skinny bones, the folds on his forehead, twice as much obvious, just to let the worry out, the rings under his eyes more obvious than ever and his once so sparkling eyes had lost their shimmer long ago. All in all, it made him look so much older, so much more vulnerable.

He had a hard time, trying to control his breathing, it wasn´t steady, it was hard work for him to even let the breaths out and let alone speak. His whole body had fallen into itself, making it so much more real, showing every single bone on his body, the food not being able to let him gain anything on weight.

His head was bold, continuing to let him look older than he was. His hands were besides his body and even thought it cost him all of the strength he had to do so, he continued to hold her hand in his. It was somehow always weird for her, that even though his hands were so much bigger, compared to her tiny hands, that they fit together, as if they should never be let gone of each other.

His eyelids were closed, but as long as she heard his breathing everything was at least for a tiny second, still alright. She knew that eventually, she would have to let go, she would have to accept, that this was something she could do nothing about.

It was somehow funny, she had always been a rational person. For her, there was always a reason, always an explanation, whether she liked that or not, it didn´t matter, but there was always one. And of course, there had also always been a solution, no matter what problem there was, it was always something she could take care of, something she could do against it … though now, she wasn´t sure about it.

Neither was she, about the actual thing, people called fate. Fate was something she never believed in, why would she. There was always a real reason, always an explanation and a solution. So why should she even have thought about that thing. Fate was something for her, that people used as excuses, if they weren´t rational enough. And it was most certainly nothing, she would ever start to believe in, because everything happens for a reason, nothing is accidental … that was at least what she had tried to talk herself into.

And yet in that very moment, she wasn´t sure anymore, she wasn´t sure if her whole perspective onto life, world, love and death had been right. And why would she start to believe now … because there was no explanation. There was no reason anymore and no solution, because all she could think of right then was, how the world could be so cruel, how life could kick them both so hard when they were already on the ground, not being able to get up.

She would never understand it, she would never know why all of it had happened. Why someone like him, who wasn´t a bad person, who had constantly tried to help others and wasn´t anywhere near proud or selfish, had to go through this, through those time she wasn´t sure any more.

Because why did he, why did they have to go through this. Life was something she would never understand and that was something she had somehow grown to accept to, but why, that would never be something she would figure out.

She squeezed his hand every once in a while, trying to let him know that she was still there, that she wouldn´t go anywhere and would always stay by his side, just as she had promised. Just as much as he had promised her that he would never leave her alone, that she would always be stuck with him. And yet there he was, breaking his promise.

She wouldn´t let go of him, not on her own, no matter what the circumstances were. And he knew that, so why did he push her to a situation, where he knew she couldn´t do anything about it. All she wanted was it all to stop. To turn back time to six months ago, when they were both care free, happy and didn´t have to worry about the slightest thing. But she knew she couldn´t, even if she would give everything she had for it.

In a time of 24 hours, their whole life had been turned upside down, in a time of 24 hours, they were faced with their biggest fear. They learned, that they would lose each other, that one would have to go and that they wouldn´t see each other again.

And even though their whole lives and their story especially, were just like the movies, this time it wasn´t. There wasn´t a magic cure that would come up and save him in the last second, there wouldn´t be a wonder treatment that would heal his illness in the time of one day and there most certainly wouldn´t be a miracle that would bring him back once he was truly gone.

He had never wanted to burden all of it onto her shoulders, never wanted her to have to deal with that situation. And while he tried to make it easier for her, by telling her that he would do it all on his own, that he wouldn´t want her to see him like that and that she should let him go, she didn´t accept it. She had promised him, told him that through sickness and through health, they would be together and stay with each other, through good and bad times.

And that was exactly what that was, a bad time in sickness. And she had promised, and most certainly, wouldn´t break that promise. After all, they were partners, best friends, lovers and each other´s soul mate. So there was no chance at all that he would have to go through it all alone.

The tears she didn´t know she still had, after all the crying she had done, were slowly making their way down her face. Why … the only thing that resembled in her head was why. They had gone through so much in their lives, they had managed to overcome every obstacle, every bump in their road and every single burden, life had thrown onto them.

So why were they on that point then, not knowing how much time was left and knowing what was, was little. Not being able to do anything against it all, and simply having to wait for something, none wanted to happen.

This was something real, a situation where both knew, sooner of later it was bound to happen. This was not like a movie, this was death, it was his death and she knew that as soon as he was gone, it would be her death too.


End file.
